


Rent-a-Friend

by mollyroll



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Don't copy to another site, F/F, Hospitals, Hurt/Comfort, Lesbian AU, Mentions of Abortion, Mentions of homophobia, Planned Pregnancy, Sharing a Bed, Touch-Starved, side scyvie, tw anxiety
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-04
Updated: 2019-12-24
Packaged: 2020-06-09 15:27:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19478734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mollyroll/pseuds/mollyroll
Summary: Pregnancy brought out many emotions in Sharon, the main was loneliness.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is just me writing the content I want to read, hope you’ll like it ;u;/
> 
> I made me a [moodboard](https://aqmollyroll.tumblr.com/post/186076969370/moodboard-for-my-fic-rent-a-friend-ill-reblog-the)
> 
> Thanks so much to my sis Lena, Lyonne, and Saiph for all your help

If someone would have told her ten years ago that one day she would be actively pursuing motherhood, Sharon Needles would have laughed in their face.

She had built everything she had from the ground up, on her own. 

She didn’t need her family, who rejected her when she came out as lesbian at the tender age of sixteen. She had managed just fine working two jobs to put herself through college. Back in the day, she survived on pure determination and resentment. To show everyone what she could become, to make it clear that she didn’t need anyone. Was she happy? No, not really. She just did what had to be done.

As a relatively young, accomplished plastic surgeon who earned six figures a year, she wasn’t used to wanting someone to hold her hand.

Long ago, a senior doctor once made a snide comment about a junior resident getting pregnant and throwing their career down the drain. He was a stupid sexist asshole, but this comment stuck with her for some reason. Maybe it was the fact that she never liked being told what she could and couldn’t do. Maybe it was just her biological clock ticking. She had never given having kids much thought, if any at all, yet she sometimes found herself reviewing her old ob/gyn textbooks late at night. 

Several years passed until she finally made the decision to follow through. She hadn’t met anyone worthy of starting a family with, and she wasn’t getting any younger. If she wanted to do this she would very well do it on her damn fucking own. And she would do a brilliant job at it.

The first time she tried IVF it didn’t take. She cried harder than she had in a decade. But mama hadn’t raised no quitter. So when the beta-hCG test finally came out positive it was both a relief and an eye-opener.

A thousand thoughts ran through her mind at once. For the first time in forever she doubted herself. She knew what pregnancy entailed. She had gone over it a million times both as a student and in the past few months. She knew she would need to change her habits: she would need to start taking dietary supplements; she would be nauseous and vomit; and she would feel all sorts of emotions she wasn’t used to feeling. 

This was a decision that would change her life, should she go on with it. Was this right? She knew exactly what to do if she no longer wanted to be pregnant. Did she rush into this? Did she do this out of a subconscious need for companionship? What had possessed her to think she would need a kid to be… to be happy.

This whole experience had broken the dam she'd spent so many years building to hold back her feelings. It was frightening.

But it would be alright.

Her colleagues were very supportive. When she broke the news she was half prepared to claw the eyes out of whoever dared judge her for her decision. Being surrounded by so much positive energy made her all warm and fuzzy inside. _Truly disgusting,_ she thought while struggling to keep a relieved smile off her face.

Despite everything, she quickly found out it wouldn’t be nearly as easy as she originally thought. She might have quite a lot of money in the bank (now), but she was still an overworked surgeon who had other doctors as charges. To take a break now would leave her residents and fellows without an attending plastic surgeon. As confident as she was in their abilities, and the fact that they could ask her other seniors to fill in some shifts, she did not feel wholly comfortable with delegating responsibility. 

If other people could do it, she could do it too.

So she powered through the morning sickness, crabbiness, fatigue, and more emotions than she had dealt with in literal decades. As the months passed the nastiest symptoms disappeared. She could finally stomach foods other than toast and ranch dressing for breakfast, and she could finally wear her favourite soft bras without hating herself. 

As the months passed though, she only got more high strung. At times she felt like a stretched out rubber band, it took almost nothing to make her snap. She would yell at her colleagues for no reason and then feel guilty and cry about it, then she would get upset about being upset and cry some more. It was embarrassing but it couldn’t be helped. 

She also couldn’t help but feel she was pushing away everyone.

Sharon felt desperately alone. It’s not that she lacked social interaction, she usually got along well with her coworkers and they were pretty much attached at the hip from sunrise to sundown. It’s just that she was alone when it mattered. Every night she arrived home exhausted, wanting nothing more than to slip into bed. But she was also aware she couldn’t skip any meals for the sake of her growing baby; so most days she would drag herself to the kitchen and whip up a quick dinner, or just call in take-out when she just couldn’t be bothered.

The worst was after she got into bed and turned the lights off. It was annoying to constantly feel the need to be held, to be coddled. To fall asleep in someone's arms as they caressed her hair like a fucking toddler. She hated feeling so vulnerable that the mere thought of being all alone brought her to tears. 

It was stupid.

She had no time or energy to pursue a romantic relationship, anyway. She had always been reluctant to fully commit to anyone, even more so after her pregnancy test came out positive. 

But it would be alright. 

She had survived just fine by herself and she knew she could soldier on. Now more than ever she needed to toughen up, someone else depended on her to be strong. The only other person she wanted in her life was Aquaria, and they didn’t need no other bitch.

She was happy, really. She felt happier than she had in many, many years. She was just dead tired. Every morning after a bad night’s rest she would wake up alone, extra cranky, and head to work. 

* * *

The final surgery for the day was a lipoma excision. Just a friendly, routine, simple, sensible, fast lipoma excision. Easy enough that Sharon told her senior resident Violet to get a head start with the paperwork and then go home. Easy enough that Sharon could sit back and supervise while her junior resident Yvie took the lead. 

And sit back she did. Her feet were killing her from standing for hours. She didn’t even bother putting on the sterile surgical gown and just watched Yvie work from afar, slightly cold in just her green scrubs. She absentmindedly wrapped her arms around her middle as she did her best to avoid shivering. Yvie was uncharacteristically quiet, completely focused on the procedure.

Sharon knew how much it meant for junior residents’ confidence to work on their own, under the watchful eye of their attending. After all, she had been in the same position not long ago as one of Dr. Michaels’s charges. Yvie reminded Sharon very much of herself. She had the look of someone who worked her ass off to get where she currently stood and she would let nothing stand in her way.

She could be trusted to not fuck up. 

She could also be trusted with picking the right Spotify playlist, so that was a bonus.

The peace only lasted until Yvie successfully removed the lipoma. While she did the deep dermal stitches, her eyes kept rising to look at Sharon. There was clearly something on her mind, but it was difficult to judge her expression from her eyes alone. Shortly after the instrumentalist nurse finished counting the gauzes and swabs and left the room to fill out paperwork, Yvie finally broke the silence.

"Dr. Needles." 

"I told you not to call me that."

"Right… _Sharon…_ I know you don't like it but… we've been talking about it and…" she was frowning, that much was evident between the head cover and surgical mask.

Sharon wished she too could hide behind something. One of her hands idly rested on the swell of her stomach. "Out with it kid."

"Aren't you supposed to gain weight during your pregnancy? You're almost five months along and you're barely showing."

Sharon had known Yvie long enough that she knew her brutally honest comments came from the right place and that she only had pure intentions. But still, that remark hurt.

Normally, she would have delivered a searing retort with her razor sharp tongue. Lately, however, slipping into easy anger proved to be difficult. She had probably stayed quiet for a beat too long because Yvie looked up, and whatever she saw in Sharon’s face made her recoil so hard she almost pricked herself with the curved needle.

"I'm sorry Doctor! I-"

"Shut up, Oddly," her voice sounded strained and she hated it. Stupid fucking pregnancy hormones. It hurt her pride to be called out by a junior, sure, but what hurt the most was the suggestion she was being a bad mother.

But Yvie was right. Sharon wasn't being the fucking mother of the year by neglecting to properly care for herself as she would for any other patient. She couldn't help it though, she got home dead tired and barely had enough energy to get proper food before collapsing in bed. The obstetrician had reprimanded her on her slow weight gain, too. 

Her lower lip trembled as she made a conscious effort not to break down in tears in the middle of the operating room. She should have paid more attention...

Yvie applied the dermabond and cleaned up in silence while Sharon weighed her options. 

The nurse returned to give the patient care instructions and send them on their way. Sharon gathered her belongings and was about to hurry her way to the dressing room when Yvie took her hand. She felt miffed for a second until she noticed the floor was wet and covered in soap suds. Whoever was in charge of clean-up clearly hadn’t been interested in waiting for them to finish. Neither of them particularly fancied falling flat on their asses, so they would have to wobble their way to the lockers. 

* * *

It would never stop being funny how Yvie would get butt naked merely seconds after arriving at the dressing room. Sharon wouldn’t consider herself a prude, but she still kept her eyes averted despite knowing Yvie most likely wouldn’t give a fuck.

"Can I take you out to dinner tonight?"

She turned around out of habit and- yep, butt naked. Sharon rolled her eyes, suppressing a smile. 

“Maybe some other time.” She remembered Yvie had mentioned having plans with a junior dermatology resident and she sure as fuck was not going to ruin them with her stupid mood-swings. “...Thanks, Oddly”

Yvie grinned, happy the uncomfortable atmosphere was gone. "You know," she began as she rummaged through her bag for her underwear "You say you don't deserve nice things… but you do. You're not as cold-hearted a bitch as you like to pretend."

"Anyone else would fire you for speaking to your boss like that." Sharon tried glaring but it came out lukewarm. It was very hard to keep a grudge against her.

"Glad you're not any other boss then."

Sharon laughed at that. Odd bless Yvie for managing to make her smile every time. Despite being Yvie’s superior, she truly felt a bond with her. Sharon thought it was slightly sad that her maybe-best-friend was also her student, but she could deal with it. 

She gathered her toiletries, wrapped herself in a fluffy towel, and headed to the showers. 

It’s not like she didn’t have any other friends. She got along just fine with just about everyone on the plastic surgery team. Even though she didn’t know all the new residents by name... and it had already been a couple months since they arrived. 

This particular shower curtain always needed a harsh yank to open. One of these days she would accidentally rip the cheap plastic right off the metal hooks. She didn’t like these showers, the water took fucking forever to warm up, but if she waited to bathe at home she would either fall asleep in the bathtub or not bathe at all and go to sleep stinky. A truly tempting option at times like these.

She turned on the shower and waited.

The other attendings were pretty nice. She met them back when she was still a student. As the second youngest attending in the department, it had taken a while for them to see her as an equal. But they were on good terms now… they even used to invite her along for drinks some nights before...well…

Too little time had passed for the water to warm up, but she stepped into the shower out of sheer impatience. The tiles were cold and wet beneath her bare feet. 

Sometimes she saw old classmates around the hospital. Not that they ever met up _outside_ the hospital but... 

She set her shampoo and body wash on the wall indent with more force than necessary. Once the water was warm enough she finally moved under the spray. 

Whatever happened to all the people she used to hang out with? At what point had they all drifted apart? When did her social life become centered around her coworkers?

The absolute, dismal truth was that she wasn’t close to anyone. 

The dressing room was completely empty except for her, so it was safe to cry. She had been holding back for long enough. 

If she asked Yvie to visit her at home she would, there was no doubt about it. But it wouldn’t be okay, she had to give the poor girl a break. Yvie was already stuck with her moping ass six days a week, ten hours a day. Maybe she didn’t even like her that much. Hell, even Sharon didn’t like herself that much. It must be annoying to constantly be walking on eggshells around one’s superior. 

Her legs trembled and she had to hold onto the wall for stability while sobs wracked her small body. 

No one had ever cared enough about her to stick around. No one had ever truly loved her - not her mum, not her family, not her exes, not her old friends. They all eventually abandoned her. And she was left alone, lying to herself that this was all fine and that she was happy.

Her heart clenched at that thought. It hurt, deep and steady. A surge of panic briefly rose in her stomach. _Stable angina,_ she reminded herself, breathing slowly, trying to calm down. _Triggered by strong emotions._ _Nothing to worry about._

Thinking this way would do her no good. 

The steaming water falling on her back burned but it kept her grounded.

Her hands moved to rub over her womb. _Studies suggest the fetus can sense its mother’s psychological state. And stress hormones cause vasoconstriction. Vasoconstriction is linked to high-blood pressure. High-blood pressure during pregnancy-_

She took a deep breath. This made no sense. She was making wild jumps from idea to idea. It wasn’t healthy.

But the fact remained that she needed to meet new people. She would never feel truly comfortable spending her free time around her coworkers. She would always inevitably feel she was forcing herself onto them, as illogical as this might be. 

She just really needed to get out and make some new friends. 

* * *

The first thing Sharon did as soon as she arrived home was phone her favourite Thai restaurant and order takeout. Then she made a beeline to the bathroom to weigh herself. It wasn't as big of a deal as Yvie made it seem, she was only slightly underweight, but she appreciated the concern. Still, she couldn’t help the sigh of relief. It was something that could be fixed, she only needed to pay extra attention and increase her calorie intake.

After she had some nice, warm food in her system, she curled up on the couch. It was far too early to fall asleep, but she was tired. And for once, oddly optimistic. 

Her phone buzzed with a whatsapp notification. Yvie had sent her a selfie with Scarlet out at some twee diner, they were sitting side by side so that their shoulders were touching, and they looked really happy.

Sharon sunk a bit lower into her couch cushions. It sure would be nice to have someone by her side like that. Not necessarily in a romantic sense, just company was good enough. In the past, she never had issues making friends. They met at clubs or bars, though _they_ usually approached her and not the other way around. Halfway through med school she ran out of time and energy to go out much, so those friendships fizzled away. She had never been really the type to call... anyone, really. Taking the initiative was something new and nerve-wracking.

Absentmindedly, she twirled her phone in her hands. 

_How to go about it._

On a whim, she made a google search she never in a million years thought she would.

_How to make a friend._

The search results were as pathetic as she had expected. Lots of stupidly encouraging blog posts aimed at tweens and wikihow articles complete with bad art. It made her despair to know she had sunk this low, but she read through everything anyway. She was certain that if she told Yvie about what she had just done, her junior resident would laugh in her face with that contagious, boisterous laughter of hers.

With that in mind, she returned to scrolling through the search results. One link caught her eye, it led to a blog post about friend _rentals_. Buying friends seemed like the saddest thing in the universe at that point but she was getting desperate. It was also extremely funny, in a weird kind of self-deprecating way.

She didn't give it a second thought as she clicked on the referral link and was presented with a chaotic atrocity of a website. Even if she didn’t find anything worthwhile, this whole experience would make for one hell of a story.

They boasted about having professional friends who could perform all sorts of services for their clients, within reason. There was an entire section dedicated to study-buddies, that seemed to cater mostly to college-aged students who needed someone nice to help them with their courses. 

Another section focused on friends who would go on dates with you, and that you could introduce to others as your significant other as long as all interactions were kept platonic. Sharon cringed slightly at that, she couldn’t help remembering a time when she seriously considered bringing a male friend home and passing him off as her boyfriend. That was before she decided to stay true to herself, even if it meant losing her family’s support. 

The final section was about cuddle-buddies. It was advertised as an alternative to therapy (Sharon always thought therapy was bullshit and could appreciate the irony in this). A service where you could hire a professional friend to hold you while you slept for an hour or however much you were willing to pay, nothing sexual, all clothes stay on and that shit. The thought of companionship tugged at her heartstrings so bad she had to rub her eyes to keep the waterworks at bay.

It was just what the doctor ordered. She spent about ten minutes looking through past customer reviews before she felt confident enough to call them. It seemed to be a small company, but they had been in business for years and had never had any major issues. 

As the phone rang, Sharon contemplated hanging up. It was already past their office hours and she wasn’t sure if they would answer. Maybe it would be for the best, if she didn’t go along with this. The second she made the decision to disconnect the call, someone picked up.

“Thanks for calling!” the person on the other end of the line yawned, then added, “My name is Jinkx. Would you like to schedule an appointment?” 

She spoke in a soothing, sweet tone that made Sharon feel instantly comfortable with the whole renting a friend idea. 

It was now or never.

“I’m interested in booking a-” she winced “ _cuddle-buddy_ for tonight. Starting immediately. For eight hours, if possible.”

The line went quiet. Sharon’s hand tightened around her phone. Had she said something wrong?

“Oh wow…” Jinkx laughed nervously. “Give me a second to check availability… do you have a preference on who you’d like to book?”

Sharon was confused for a second, then it dawned on her that these types of businesses usually have pictures and information of their employees. 

“Not really.”

Whatever, it was too late now. She had never been one to judge a book by its cover, and she had already decided she could trust this.

Through the phone she heard Jinkx talking to someone on the background. The exchange lasted only a few seconds, and the voices were too far away to understand what was being said.

"Alright!" The other woman seemed delighted. "Ms. Alaska is available for tonight.The immediate booking surcharge is +25%. Please pay her in cash when she arrives at your apartment."

Jinkx told her the total charge; it was a lot of money, but that was expected. She asked for Sharon’s address, phone number, and thanked her for her business. Then the line went dead.

Sharon was left staring at her darkened phone screen in slight bewilderment. Apparently she now had a _date_ with a stranger. A thrill ran down her spine. This felt strangely familiar to the one time she had hired a sex worker. 

Out of curiosity, she spent some time looking around for the aforementioned pictures of the employees. Scrolling through fresh-faced college-aged buddies, she finally found Ms. Alaska. Her profile listed her as a licensed physical therapist, which was weird as all the other employees were still students. She had a sweet smile, Sharon was pleased to note. She felt her face heat up. Alaska was very cute and definitely seemed huggable. She could just imagine laying next to her, while Alaska’s hands combed through her hair and held her close.

 _This is just for cuddles_ , she repeated to herself as she replaced the bed sheets with fresh linens. She shoved the random junk on top of her bedside table into a random corner of her closet and shut the door before it exploded everywhere. Once she deemed her bedroom acceptable, she stuffed more than enough money into a small white envelope and left it next to the couch.

 _Just for cuddles_ , she repeated as she returned to her room, stripped out of her clothes and into her favourite ratty pajamas. They were almost a decade old, black with a faded skull print, and about two sizes too big. The cotton had gotten fuzzy pilling over the years, but she wouldn't trade these jammies for the world. She wiped off the stubborn remainder of her waterproof mascara, let loose her hair, and was putting on a hydrating cucumber mask when the doorbell rang.

 _Just for cuddles,_ she repeated as she answered the door barefoot, in old baggy pajamas, and green face mask.

To her credit, the young woman on the other side of the door didn't even blink at her appearance. She smiled and held out her hand.

"Nice to meet you! My name is Alaska Thunderfuck. Are you Ms. Needles?" 

Her smile was every bit as sweet as Sharon remembered. She nodded dumbly. 

Alaska looked just as beautiful as her picture, though maybe somewhat haggard as she had obviously rushed to make it over on time. She was wearing gym clothes and her hair was wet. And if her eyes looked slightly sunken… maybe it was just because of the lighting.

They entered the apartment and sat on the couch. This _really_ reminded her of the one time she hired a sex worker. Should she offer her a drink? Or would that be weird. Sharon was not used to second-guessing herself, but she had done a lot of that in the past few months. 

She was _exactly_ her type. Tall, blonde, sweet, and charming. Sharon’s nails dug on the sides of the couch cushions. She wouldn’t _mind_ if they ended up doing more than just cuddling.

The silence was filled with Alaska ruffling through her backpack. At least she looked bashful about leaving her client to herself as she basically upturned her bag on the couch.

"Give me one second, I just- oh, there you are!"

She pulled out an iPhone in a glittery case decorated like a bunny, with long plastic ears and a puffy tail.

“Sorry about that, Jinkxy said she would text me the details later, I-”

Her eyes widened when she presumably opened a text message

"It says here that… that you've booked me for eight hours?"

Sharon couldn’t help but notice the way Alaska’s hands trembled as she held her phone closer to her face.

"Is there a problem?"

She still looked stunned out of her mind as Sharon fetched the money in a white envelope and handed it to her. "Keep the tip"

Alaska ran her hands along the edge of the sealed envelope. She didn't even open it.

"Is this okay?" her voice broke on the last syllable. 

Sharon pretended not to notice. "I'm just testing out the service, that's all"

“...Okay,” Alaska reverently stuffed the envelope inside her crammed bag. "What would you like from me?"

"Someone to sleep next to." Sharon couldn't help the sad tone of her voice, Alaska pretended not to notice.

Having quickly recovered, Alaska slipped into an easy businesslike tone. She explained the rules of contact. Both of them should always ask permission before touching each other. If accidental inappropriate contact happened it would be overlooked. If willful inappropriate contact happened the session would be stopped immediately and the client would be blacklisted. Sharon mentally berated herself for her inappropriate thoughts earlier. If she was lucky, the embarrassed flush she was sure coloured her ears wouldn’t be obvious in the low light. At least the worst of it would be hidden below her face mask.

Alaska continued. She personally didn't mind being touched on her arms or back, and she preferred if her hair wasn’t touched. When asked, Sharon found she didn’t really have a preference. She had never liked getting touched by strangers, but considering this was a service she was paying for that seemed like a moot point. 

They agreed on boundaries and Sharon signed a short contract that had the rules in writing. Alaska excused herself to the bathroom to put on her pajamas and blow-dry her hair while Sharon washed off the face mask in the kitchen.

When they both met in the bedroom Sharon had to stifle a laugh. Alaska was dressed in a pink shirt several sizes too big that swallowed her entire body, leopard print shorts that barely showed below the shirt, and had on cookie monster slippers that really tied the look together. She looked several years younger than she did, bare-faced as she was.

Alaska either didn't notice the amused stare or didn't care. She was standing expectantly by the bathroom door, waiting. She was almost as tall as the door frame, and her long limbs only made the expanse of bare skin all the more noticeable. It was early October, already too cold to be wearing shorts and short sleeves, but who was Sharon to judge. It’s not like they’d be cold anyway, from what she remembered about sharing body heat.

Sharon laid on her side facing the wall and patted the space behind herself as an invitation. She had wholly expected the whole encounter to be awkward, but Alaska was professional to a fault. It made her feel more at ease than she thought possible about inviting a stranger into her bed.

"I’m the big spoon?" Alaska giggled. The bed dipped below her weight "May I hold you?"

She settled against Sharon's back, all softness and warmth and comfort. She couldn’t help but push back into Alaska. The relief of finally being so close to another human had been instantaneous.

“Yes.” _Please_. She tried to keep the eagerness out of her voice.

Alaska said nothing. She simply moved an arm to wrap around her middle, then she froze. Sharon tensed too. Alaska had felt the curve of her bump. No one besides her ob/gyn had ever dared touch her _there_. But it didn’t feel bad… far from it.

"I'm pregnant…" she felt the need to explain the obvious. Should she have mentioned this before? The uncertainty ate away at her. She needed to know if Alaska was worried about touching her somewhere inappropriate, or… or if she was disgusted-

"That's cute." Alaska seemed hesitant. "Should I remove my hand?"

"No, it’s okay.” She slowly relaxed back into her pillow, thankful that it had only been an issue about respecting boundaries.

She felt Alaska sigh against her back, then pull her closer.

She was reluctant to voice out loud how good the contact felt. Like she had been burning and someone finally doused her with cold water. Still, she had a feeling the other girl knew. That was okay, too. For once, it was okay to be vulnerable.

They fell into an easy silence. 

Sharon stretched to turn off the bedside lamp, as gently as she could so that Alaska wouldn’t shift away. 

In the darkness, she was beginning to feel the pull of sleep when a soft voice brought her back to consciousness. 

"Have you named them yet?"

"Aquaria." 

"That's a nice name." Having her approval meant more than it should have. For the upteenth time that day, Sharon felt like crying. For the first time, it wouldn’t be out of frustration or sorrow.

Instead, she buried her face on her pillow.

That night she slept better than ever, feeling protected and safe, surrounded by warmth, comfort, and the smell of Alaska's vanilla body lotion.

This needed to happen again. It didn't matter if the cost would eventually make a sizable dent on her funds, Sharon couldn't imagine going through her pregnancy without the other girl by her side every night.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Holidays! Someone mentioned an update would be a lovely gift and I just had to agree :')
> 
> I'm very sorry for the wait, to say I got carried away with this chapter would be an understatement.  
> I actually had to cut it, otherwise I would have taken even longer to post. At least this means the next chapter should come sooner rather than later?
> 
> Thanks everyone for being patient with me  
> And thanks to my lovely beta Lena who's been with me every step of the way <3

"Wow, someone sure looks happy!" As soon as the first patient of the day exited the room Yvie barged into her office, grinning like the cat that got the cream. Sharon could feel her cheeks growing hot at the teasing. "Did you get fucked last night?"

Nothing of the sort had happened; they had woken up side by side and that was it. But Sharon couldn't help remembering Alaska's warmth and her sweet smile. And the smoothness of her skin when her shirt rode up at some point in the night. And the soft noises she made while she slept. 

She felt like a creep and a pervert for even noticing these things. Her blush only deepened, much to Yvie's amusement. 

Sharon cleared her throat, "Why are you here?"

"What do you mean, why am I here. I work here!"

She resisted the urge to roll her eyes,"Weren't you scheduled for surgery with Dr. Gemini?"

"Right, about that." Yvie pushed aside some of Sharon's paperwork and sat on the edge of the desk, much to her superior's annoyance. "I'm leaving early today."

"...Why?" 

"Because I asked Brooke to cover for me and she said yes." Yvie smirked cockily as she swung her legs back and forth enthusiastically.

"That's not a reason." Sharon lifted an eyebrow at her. 

“I’m taking Scarlet out tonight!” Yvie hopped off the desk, scattering papers everywhere. Before Sharon could get another word in edgewise, she all but ran out of the office. “See you tomorrow!"

Sharon laughed to herself, neatly piling her paperwork back where it belonged. Yvie had it bad for Dr. Envy and everyone could see it. In the months that they spent dancing around each other, Yvie had mellowed out considerably and honestly it was… cute. Sharon would never have thought she’d use _Yvie_ and _cute_ in the same sentence. Yvie was many things: impulsive, rambunctious, abrasive, honest to a fault, rough around the edges… and now Scarlet had made her _cute_.

Sometimes, Yvie reminded Sharon of herself. 

* * *

The day went by tortuously slow. Soon enough, Sharon found herself laying down on her side, phone held in front of her eyes and thumb hovering over the call button. 

If she called Jinkx now, she could ask for Alaska again.

Her stomach fluttered in something akin to nervousness; or maybe she was finally feeling Aquaria? She rubbed slow circles over her tummy. Despite her medical background, as a first time mother she really wasn’t fully sure what she was supposed to be feeling. It was one thing knowing the textbook descriptions of symptoms, and a whole other experiencing them herself. 

It was already dark out by the time she finally called. 

Even though their google business profile listed them as closed, Jinkx answered the phone on the first ring. She seemed thrilled that Sharon was requesting to book Alaska again, and assured Sharon she’d be at her home within the hour. The last thing she heard before Jinkx hung up were fragments of a conversation, and what sounded like Alaska’s voice.

Did they have an office where they stayed over hours? Or did they live together? Were they _together_?

Sharon’s hand tightened around her phone at that thought. It was irrational, feeling even the slightest bit jealous over someone who was basically a stranger; someone who she paid to perform a service. She had nothing to feel jealous about, they weren’t even friends.

The loud grumble of her stomach disrupted her train of thought. She had forgotten dinner again. She probably had just enough time to fix herself something quick as she waited for Alaska. Her fridge was nearly empty, but she managed to find a few boxes of mac ‘n’ cheese rummaging through her pantry. Definitely not the healthiest she had ever eaten, but at least it would be enough to fill her up. Tomorrow she would go to the grocer’s and get some real food. She owed Aquaria that much.

Her food was ready. She wasn’t sure if she should start eating, or if it would be considered common courtesy to wait for her guest and offer her a plate.

Simply sitting still, doing nothing, made her anxious. 

The temperature had dropped considerably since midday. It wasn’t cold enough to turn on the heating, but it was cold enough to crave hot drinks. Maybe Alaska would like black tea? Sharon quickly moved back to the kitchen from her place on the couch, filling the kettle with water and trying to find the tea bags among the mess she had made in her pantry.

The doorbell rang just as the water boiled.

Alaska was beautiful even when miserable and shivering, arms wrapped tight around herself, freezing her ass off in the hallway. It wasn’t particularly surprising that she would be fucking cold, dressed as she was in running shorts and a tank top. Her whole face lit up when Sharon opened the door and invited her inside, sighing in relief as soon as the door was closed and she was safe from the cold October air.

"Good evening, Ms. Needles."

For a moment, Sharon couldn’t help trailing her eyes along the other’s toned body. 

“Call me Sharon. Haven’t you got warmer clothes?” She handed Alaska the thick, plush throw blanket she kept on her couch, which Alaska took gratefully. “It’s starting to get chilly at night.”

Alaska just laughed nervously in response, as she wrapped the blanket around herself. “I always forget…”

Sharon raised an eyebrow, prompting her to continue, and Alaska looked away as she played with the ends of her hair.

Realizing she wouldn’t get more information from her, Sharon changed the topic. “Are you hungry?”

Taken aback, Alaska fumbled where she stood. “Uh...kinda.”

“I made mac ‘n’ cheese.”

Alaska winced, “I’m vegetarian.”

Sharon blinked twice, surprised. “Me too… It’s Annie’s”

“Oh, okay!” She clasped Sharon’s hands in hers with a blinding smile. Her skin felt soft, clammy, and still somewhat cold.

“So what would you like to do tonight, Ms. Needles?”

Sharon hesitated.

“TV? Then sleep?” She had to bite her tongue to stop herself from anxiously rambling. This was the same woman who had held her in her arms last night. Watching TV together was innocent enough.

Alaska smiled, then patted the space next to herself on the couch and Sharon sat down. She wanted to wrap an arm around Alaska’s shoulders, badly. It scared her, that her heart yearned so much for contact. It shouldn’t be a problem, she was stressing too much about something silly. She should just ask and get it over with. The worst thing that could happen was that Alaska could think her weird and get disgusted and leave and-

“Wanna share the blanket?” 

Sharon felt her face heat up. Alaska had clearly noticed her staring. She nodded, dumbly, and Alaska just smiled as she scooted closer.

The blanket was warm with Alaska’s body heat and just felt heavenly on her.

“Any preferences?” Sharon handed Alaska the remote, and Alaska shrugged.

They settled on Golden Girls reruns. 

It really amused Sharon, how much fun Alaska was having. She mouthed the lines under her breath, eyes crinkling with knowing joy long before any actual jokes happened. The warm glow of the television on her skin bathed her in a beautiful light. 

Sharon couldn’t bear to look at her any longer. When she moved her head to the other’s shoulder she was scared that Alaska would freeze, but she didn’t. Instead, she wrapped an arm around Sharon and laid her cheek on the top of her head. 

No longer paying attention to the show, Sharon shifted on the couch. Her arm hesitantly wrapped around Alaska and she let her. She wanted to stay in that moment forever. Her eyes slowly closed as she grew drowsy from the warmth and comfort and safety that she felt just from being close to the other girl.

When she woke up in her bed the next day, comfortable in Alaska’s arms, a realization hit her. 

She had a crush. 

She couldn’t go on with this delusion. Whatever she felt for the other woman was born out of desperation, it couldn’t be real.

The next few days she tried stopping herself from calling the agency. Some nights she managed just fine by herself, other nights she really needed a warm body by her side to keep her company.

She soon found that getting Alaska out of her system would be more effort than she was willing to make.

So after the third night in a row of lying awake in her bed well past midnight, she decided she couldn’t go on like that.

* * *

They easily settled into a routine. Every day Sharon would get home, call the agency, book Alaska, and start cooking as she waited. When Alaska arrived she helped finish whatever their meal would be for the day. They would eat, do the dishes, watch Netflix, and then sleep huddled together. It felt oddly domestic. They had known each other for little under a month, and Sharon already knew she wanted nothing more than to live like this forever. She had never had a relationship like this, not even a _real_ relationship when she could feel like she truly depended on someone else. 

Baffled at how unprepared Alaska was for the winter, Sharon began lending her clothes. Though at first she was reluctant to accept, she listened to logic. 

A coat and leggings at first, then long sleeved shirts and an old pair of jeans. Alaska was taller and thinner than her, but they made it work. Maybe it wasn’t right for her to push it, she was her employee and this might be crossing the line of what was considered appropriate. Sharon couldn’t help it though. She felt sick to her stomach whenever Alaska showed up at her doorstep shivering like a leaf, dressed in clothing too thin for late October. 

Sometimes it was hard to remember their relationship was strictly business, no matter how much Sharon wished she meant something more to her. It was especially hard when Alaska would hold her around her middle while they slept, or when they were watching TV and her hand would slide over her stomach. Sharon would never let anyone even brush against her bump, but with Alaska it just felt right. 

At least she always appeared to be thrilled to see her, or maybe she was just good at her job. Honestly it was hard to tell. No matter how sweet Alaska seemed, Sharon couldn’t shake the feeling that she was hiding something.

Even though she was comfortable being physically affectionate during sessions, Alaska refused to address her by her given name no matter how much Sharon insisted. She was _Ms. Needles_ to her, and that was probably all she’d ever be. 

Getting to know the real Alaska took baby steps. Her emotional walls were up and it was clear as day. She would listen rather than talk, but Sharon quickly found she would occasionally reveal facts about herself when prodded. 

Alaska grew up in a big family, somewhere in a small town up north. She had siblings she loved and parents who always looked after her, and she had chosen to move to the city in search of better opportunities. She worked hard to support herself through college, splitting her time between working the door at a local bar and at a porn shop. After graduating as a physical therapist she began working as a physical therapist for a small gym, and managed to rent a tiny flat all by herself.

When Sharon asked about her apartment, Alaska stiffened. 

“Yeah uh... I live with some friends now!” her smile widened, but it didn't reach her eyes. 

Sharon probably wasn't meant to see right through it, but maybe she had just become so used to Alaska being genuinely comfortable around her that she was able to recognize when she wasn't.

Maybe something between them was slowly changing. Maybe they were truly getting to know each other beyond a professional relationship. 

Or maybe she was just imagining things. 

It was truly unfortunate that their friendship would only be real as long as the paychecks kept on coming.

* * *

“You know, Halloween is just around the corner.”

Alaska looked up from her cereal bowl to stare quizzically at her. Sharon had developed the habit of fixing them both breakfast every morning. Alaska never asked for it, but she always devoured the food on the table.

She was still chewing as Sharon continued.

“I was wondering if you’d like to go out with me? As friends? We could do some trick or treating?”

"Ms. Needles-" Alaska choked on her cereal, looking like she was five seconds away from spitting the food onto the white tablecloth.

Sharon panicked for a second, while Alaska got air back into her lungs.

“I- Sure?” She seemed a bit doubtful. “Though… aren’t we a bit too old to go trick or treating?”

“Oh.”

“I mean, we could do something else?” Alaska winced at Sharon’s crestfallen expression. “My roommates are throwing a Halloween bash.”

Sharon paused for a second to think it through. She had never really been one to reject an invitation to get drunk. In her current state though, drinking was absolutely forbidden. Being around people who were allowed to have alcohol wouldn’t help her mood much, maybe...

“Or we could walk around town?” Sharon absent-mindedly tapped her fingers on her bump.. 

Alaska beamed at her. “That sounds lovely.”

* * *

Halloween night came sooner than she had expected.

It was _not_ a date.

She had finished work earlier than expected that day, so she had plenty of time to groom herself extra pretty. The fact that it was most definitely _not a date_ didn’t deter her in the slightest. She went all out, painting heavy makeup on her face in the exact way she did back when her life was simpler. Before joining medical school and being forced to cut her usual routine in half. 

Just as she was slipping into an old but barely worn short, tight dress, her phone rang and she just about jumped out of her skin.

An unknown number. Barely anyone had her personal phone number. Maybe a patient had convinced her assistant into giving it to them? Or maybe it was a robocall? She usually made it a point to let them go to voicemail... though maybe she should pick up, just this once.

“Hello?”

“Ms. Needles, it’s Alaska.” Her voice sounded strained, almost as if she had been crying. “Sorry, I won’t make it tonight.”

“Is everything okay?”

Alaska spoke with a small voice, so quiet she was barely able to hear her.

“I… I think I broke my ankle…”

Sharon hadn’t given Alaska her number, but at that moment that was the least important detail. Her mind was racing with something akin to panic.

“What do you mean you think you broke your ankle?!” 

“I slipped… It’s swollen… I can’t move it...” Alaska sighed, defeated. “I’m so stupid…”

“Have you seen a doctor?”

Her silence answered the question.

Sharon tried softening her voice. “Where are you?”

“At Jinkx’s…”

She probably shouldn’t offer, it could potentially be more trouble than it was worth. But she felt genuinely bad for her.

“Do you want me to look it over?”

“ _Please_.”

Sharon wasted no time stuffing new bandages and painkillers into her bag, then grabbing her car keys while Alaska texted her the address.

Jinkx lived in a fourth floor apartment. The building had no elevator. 

All Sharon could see through the wide open door was stuff strewn all over the floor. As she carefully navigated the mess, she noticed individual items. Clothing was scattered everywhere, some items she recognized as hers, there were also assorted cleaning supplies, empty pizza boxes, an electric guitar, dried-up flowers, plushies... 

“... _Sharon_?”

Alaska was laying across a ratty couch, half covered by a variety of blankets and cushions. She held an ice-pack to her raised left ankle, over rainbow stockings.

Sharon didn't stop to rejoice at the fact that Alaska _finally_ called her by her given name. It only took one look at her tear stricken face to slip into doctor mode.

“What happened?” She rushed by her side.

Alaska stared forlornly at a bookshelf in the corner of the room. A mess of boxes and a toppled step-ladder gave Sharon a pretty good idea of what had happened.

“Are you hurt anywhere else?”

She shook her head.

“On a scale of one to ten, how bad is the pain?”

“Eleven.” 

“Have you taken anything for it?” No. “Any allergies?” None.

Sharon dug through her purse for painkillers and a water bottle, which Alaska took gratefully.

“May I see?”

With a wince, Alaska set the ice-pack aside and peeled off her long woolen stockings.

Immediately, Sharon noticed bruising but no obvious deformity. She carefully touched along her swollen ankle. It had been several years since she did this and she didn’t really remember gross anatomy, but she tried not to let the insecurity show. Testing the joint would only cause Alaska pain, and Sharon was honestly not sure what structures could have been damaged, anyway.

“I think it’s most likely a sprain, but I’d rather you get it x-rayed to know for sure.”

Alaska sighed, hands rubbing her eyes.

“What’s the matter?”

“I…” She looked straight up, at the water stains on the ceiling “I don’t have insurance…”

Sharon could only watch as her eyes got glassy with tears.

“I can’t afford a broken ankle.” Alaska had been doing her best to keep herself together, but once the first tears fell the dam broke. “I can’t skip work over this. If my boss finds out… he’ll fire me for sure.”

Sharon’s heart clenched at seeing her cry. Just how desperate was she for work that she had accepted a horrible job that offered her no insurance and would give her the boot for taking sick days?

There ought to be something she could do to help. Maybe she could pull some strings and get Alaska free medical attention. Or at least a proper evaluation by a qualified physician. Hopefully it would be nothing major. If it was simply a sprain then Alaska was more than qualified to take care of it herself, as a physical therapist. A visit to the ER would give both of them much needed peace of mind. They could worry about her keeping her job later.

“I’m really sorry for being a bother,” Alaska held lightly onto her arm. “I didn’t know what to do.”

There wasn’t anyone else home that could help them get to Sharon’s car. Alaska had been reluctant to lean on her, so Sharon could only help her keep her balance as she hobbled down the stairs.

“It’s okay.” It hurt, that Alaska would think of herself as a burden when really it was Sharon relying on her all along. “We’re friends, aren’t we?”

Alaska looked up at her with puffy eyes and Sharon couldn't help but smile tenderly.

“Thank you...”

From what little she knew of her, Alaska seemed to be the sort that would rather suffer in silence than inconvenience anyone. The fact that she had even managed to call Sharon spoke volumes of how scared she had been.

She helped her into the passenger seat, then walked around to the driver’s side.

“Have you… have you called anyone else?” 

Alaska had huddled into a ball as tight as she could without upsetting her ankle.

“Mum would freak out if she knew…” She talked into a big, fluffy coat she had borrowed from Sharon earlier that week. “I’ll tell her tomorrow, maybe.”

Sharon started the car. “And what about your friends?”

She shook her head. “They do enough for me already.”

The way to the hospital was filled with her quiet sniffles.

Luckily for both of them, Sharon’s friend from med school was on duty by the time they got to the ER. Dr. Zamo and her went way back, and she had agreed to help almost instantly. Sharon might have had to lie, though. She might have told Katya that Alaska was her girlfriend. But she’d be damned if that lie hadn’t tasted sweet on her tongue.

The x-ray showed nothing amiss, nothing seemed to be broken. As far as they could tell it was just a bad sprain.

Now that the pressure of long recovery times and possibly expensive surgery had been lifted off Alaska, she was definitely feeling much better. Sharon sat next to her on the examination table, awfully pleased with herself, as the other two animatedly discussed the benefits of ultrasound therapy.

Someone called for Katya to top chatting with the patients, and she sheepishly excused herself to fill the discharge papers.

“I’m sorry for ruining tonight.” Alaska smiled sadly. “I know how much you were looking forward to it.”

Sharon wrapped an arm around the other’s shoulders, for once feeling like the anchor.

“Don’t worry about it.”

"You look really pretty tonight." Alaska leaned into her, her hand found purchase on her stomach. “That dress fits you perfectly.”

Sharon laughed, thankful Alaska wouldn't notice the blush that dusted her cheeks. 

The peace was broken when Katya returned to their cubicle with a big grin.

“There you go!” With a wink, she handed Sharon the prescription and release instructions. “Now go take good care of your cute little girlfriend!”

She closed her eyes, taking a deep breath as Alaska stiffened under her arm.

“How long have you been together? How's pregnancy treating you? We need to catch up!”

Katya kept on babbling excitedly, oblivious to Sharon’s face pleading her to stop.

They returned to her car in complete silence.

After the whole debacle of their visit to the ER, Sharon was hesitant to ask Alaska if she wanted to go home with her. It seemed like the most inappropriate thing to say, ever. They had finally gotten to a point where they were comfortable around one another and she had gone and ruined it. The last thing she wanted to do was to make Alaska feel pressured to do anything. She had fucked up big time.

Neither said anything as Sharon pulled out of the parking lot.

“Your girlfriend?” Alaska suddenly broke the silence, face unreadable.

Despite feeling like her heart was racing a mile a minute, Sharon did her best to keep her voice steady. “I had to tell them something so they’d let me stay with you.”

Alaska hummed, breaking eye contact.

“Should I take you back to Jinkx’s?”

She was looking out the window, arms crossed over her chest. “Yes... please.”

* * *

When she called Alaska the next day it went straight to voicemail. Sharon hoped that didn’t mean she had gone to her day job in spite of her sprained ankle. Dr. Zamo had recommended at least a couple of days rest.

She left a text wishing her a speedy recovery and tried not thinking about it. Worrying would do her no good, everything was probably just fine.

Everything was not fine. 

Alaska was nowhere to be found.

A week and a half passed. She should have recovered by then. Sharon was hesitant to call the agency, but she would be lying if she claimed not to be worried over her friend.

The first time she called, Jinkx let her know Alaska wasn't available.

Days later, she called again. Same answer.

When Jinkx answered the phone the third time Sharon called, she sounded hesitant.

“Hello, Ms. Needles...” she trailed off after a second, “I’m afraid Alaska isn’t available tonight...either. She hasn't said when she'll be back... Would you like to book someone else?”

She shouldn’t have felt as betrayed as she did that very moment. 

“That won’t be necessary. Have a good day.”

Jinkx probably didn't deserve her curtness, but Sharon couldn't be bothered with pleasantries. 

What if something terrible had happened to her? She had checked the local news, but nothing seemed out of the usual. At one point she had even considered driving to Jinkx's to ask her in person. Then again, why would Jinkx tell her anything? She was just a client. For all she knew, it was a lie and Alaska was still working with the agency. Maybe she told Jinkx about Sharon’s inappropriate behaviour and had her put on the no contact list. Maybe she never wanted to see her again...

It had been a long time since she felt the need to scream into her pillow but at that very moment she did just that. She had been incredibly stupid to believe anything good could have ever happened out of their unusual arrangement. It was always just business. It was never meant to go any further than just business.

This much stress couldn't be good for her baby, and she was being a terrible fucking mother for relying so much on someone who clearly gave no shits about them. 

* * *

Weeks went by with nothing but radio silence. Her coworkers noticed she was bitchier than usual and kindly let her know at every possible opportunity. 

"Whatever it was you did last month that had you on cloud nine? Do that shit again!" Violet screamed at her while storming out of the operating theatre. 

Sharon and her had had a disagreement over the diameter of suture needed and it had escalated tremendously.

"Hey, when d'you fall and push the stick further up your ass?" Yvie nervously tried to diffuse the situation with humour, but it didn't really work.

She was taking out her anger on those around her, more so than usual. People hinted that she might want to take some weeks off and relax. Lately she had been having occasional blood pressure spikes and it didn't bode well for her pregnancy. And whenever she remembered that she was upset over something as stupid as an unrequited crush ghosting her, it only made her blood boil.

* * *

One month turned into two. Her texts to Alaska went unopened. She didn't call the agency again.

Thanksgiving (and her birthday) came and went. Yvie had offered her to hang out, seeing as Sharon had no one to spend Thanksgiving with, but she didn't feel up for it. The one person she wanted to see had all but dropped off the face of the planet. That night, alone, she sobbed into her pillow in frustration. She was supposed to be strong. Why was this stupid crush wrecking her life. She felt again like a fucking helpless teenager who fell for the first person who ever showed them kindness. 

Sharon threw herself into her work. What started as bitterness at being ghosted slowly turned into a personal vendetta. She would get over it at whatever cost. She felt _dumped_ , and it was stupid because they had never been a thing to begin with. Usually she was the one leaving friends, not the other way around.

Her body was changing, the cravings and swelling weren’t entirely pleasant, to say the least, yet she still found it became easier to keep in good spirits. She was glowing, random people would tell her (and then they would get swatted away for trying to reach over and touch her). Her small frame made her bump all the more noticeable, and she actually grew to appreciate the smiles she got from elderly people and other mothers. As long as they kept their grabby hands to themselves. 

She never thought their opinion would matter to them, but apparently she was at a point in her life where any type of camaraderie was appreciated. 

Sharon was home the first time she felt Aquaria kick (for real this time, not just an odd flutter in her stomach). Never before in her life had she felt as happy as right there and then, laying down on her couch, wrapped in a plush throw blanket, watching Return of the Living Dead for what had to be the billionth time.

Feeling Aquaria move woke something in her, an epiphany of sorts. She really didn’t need anyone else to be happy. People came and went, but the only constant in her life should be her daughter.


End file.
